It was high school freshman year, where after football practice I went to a youth event at a popular church in my area. In my mind I was going to see a young lady of interest, so I made sure to dress my best and put on the cheap cologne my father bought me for Christmas. It was there I first heard the term “soul tie”. You see, the girls recently had gone to a purity event (I could probably write about those and have plenty to say) and were sharing about what they learned.
What is a soul tie?
A soul tie, as I understood it, was a spiritual connection between two people who engaged in sexual intercourse with one another. But since then, I have gained more of a grasp on the concept. In short, a soul tie is the feeling of deep emotional connection between two people, usually following sexual intimacy. Per the lore of soul ties, when one is intimate with multiple partners, they leave a piece of themselves with you and vice versa. Because this is problematic for monogamous relationships, one must work to break these “ties” in order to be fully committed to their spouse. However, there are some who believe that soul ties can never be broken.
Neglecting to break your soul ties, comes with a tremendous amount of problems. Some examples are; low self-esteem, trust issues, remaining in abusive relationships, pursuing toxic relationships, inability to form new relationships and inability to effectively love your spouse. Soul ties are very mainstream and are taught in many different Christian denominations all over the world.
Soul lies
The origins of soul ties are foggy at best. The foundations can be seen in New Age cultism and its most prominently found within the “Word of Faith” and “Prosperity Gospel” camps. The biblical basis of soul ties is attributed to 1 Samuel 18:1(KJV), which says David’s soul was “knit” to Jonathan’s soul. But this is the only biblical basis for the concept. In fact, there is no other biblical basis for the lore of soul ties.
Proponents of the soul tie concept would have us believe that sexual intimacy leads to the intermingling of souls. Scripture disagrees. There is no place in scripture that describes sexual intimacy as two spirits coming together. In fact, Genesis 1:24 reads, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. Marriage is not a intermingling between two souls, in the sense of spirits connecting (sorry Matt Chandler) but a unification of the flesh, which rightly in marriage is a representation of Christ and the Church. If sexual intimacy is not where spirits meet, then it logically follows that partners cannot leave parts of their spirit with you. But, if we do stand on the idea of soul ties and take it to its logical end, then we are presented with a few problems.
Abstinence’s glory, your shame and your condemnation
Soul ties are used by Christian leaders in both well-meaning and sometimes malicious meaning contexts, to encourage teenagers and adults to not engage in casual sex. This presents three issues. The first of these issues is that it cheapens the glory of God and His word. Given the concept is not in the text, should be enough of a reason to abandon the concept in its entirety but I can already hear the pragmatism crowd saying, “But it works”. Sure, this idea may compel the desired behaviors of abstinence, but the purpose is misdirected. Abstinence becomes more of a compulsion that benefits you, rather than you under the compulsion to honor God and trust in His word. Abstinence and its benefits begin to sit on God’s throne.
The second problem is that of shame. If soul ties are real then, young men and women who are virgins, are automatically the righteous. They have no blemishes that inhibit them from forming positive relationships. Alternatively, the woman who is a reformed prostitute who has come to Christ, is a dirty wretch who must work for her righteousness. This woman likely has several hundred soul ties that she must learn to break if she ever hopes to have a good marriage. This type of condemnation is antithetical to the Gospel. When we place our trust in Christ for the forgiveness of our sins, we are forgiven completely. In fact, we are given a new heart and God places His spirit within us. There is no room for the spirit of anyone else.
Passing responsibility
The final issue with soul ties is that it removes responsibility from the individual. It is far too easy to blame our willful sin on soul ties. One Christian blogger on the subject said, “When you have a soul tie, you may find it difficult to leave that person. You may find yourself falling back in with them if you fall off. You might even accept emotional abuse”. That is very dangerous. I am always very skeptical of over spiritualizing things. The reason being is because it is an easy out in all scenarios. I can’t stop having sex because I have a soul tie. I want to leave my abusive boyfriend, but we have a soul tie that I am trying to break. I know I should not move in with my girlfriend, but we have a soul tie that keeps me from doing otherwise. This is irresponsible. The reason why we end up with low self-esteem, in less than ideal relationships, and accepting emotional abuse is because of our own cowardice, indifference to our circumstance and love for our sin.
Loose the ties
So, for you who may have believed in soul ties, perhaps you have been going through relationship after relationship and you feel shame because of it, there is hope. There is nothing holding you back from pursing love without reservation. There is nothing holding you back from loving your spouse completely. The pain and shame you have felt is real. The bad news is that we are sinners and we love being sinners. There is nothing we can do change this and honor God. But the good news is that God did something. He sent His son to live a perfect moral life on our behalf and die on a cross to take the judgement that we justly deserve. When you place your trust in Christ, he becomes the only soul tie you will ever know.
Blessings.
Comments